Now I Pray....

Being a Daycare Provider I have ups and downs. For the most part, it is ups. I have been blessed to have pretty damn good parents and kids for the past 10 years. I have only encountered a few parents that are remiss about raising their children. I have encountered A LOT of parents who are loving and caring. Over the past 10 years when a child leaves my daycare it saddens my heart, because I become very very attached to all my little charges. A lot of the kids that leave is usually because they have grown up and grown out of the daycare stage, the other reason is if they move. All the kids affect me, all the kids are thought about by me even if they are gone for quite a while. As a daycare provider I'm not suppose to have favorites, but try as I might, I do. Some just reach my heart more than some.

One little girl has curled up in my heart and I know she has done so as well with some of my daycare parents. This little girl is who I pray for.

November of 2007, friends of ours called asking if they could start bringing their Grand-daughter to my daycare as they had temporary custody of her. The minute I laid eyes on Jaylee I fell in love with her. I fell in love and at the same time my heart broke. Jaylee had dark rings under her eyes and was very tiny. For being almost 2 years old she was only wearing 12 month clothing and these were big on her. The rings around her eyes I feel, were from malnutrition. Her real mom was not quite 16 when she gave birth to her. Her mom, Lauren, is a very self-centered girl who has been tested for bi-polar but won't medicate for it.

Jaylee THRIVED in the care of her grandparents. That little girl could talk like an adult before she was two. One story that stands out for me is this: "Jaylee your nosey" and she would say "No I'm not, I'm inquisitive!!" and she said it perfectly and knew what she was talking about! Her grandparents had custody for her for not quite 18 months. They would gladly adopt her, even though all their kids are grown and out of the house. Jaylee has a way of just walking into your life and making the most cold hearted person fall in love with her. In the 18 months of being with her grandparents she went from size 12 month clothing to size 3 toddler. The purple rings disappeared, she started acting like a NORMAL 3 year old child. She told my oldest son, Foster, who is 17, that she was going to marry him one day. We would all laugh.

As I sit here, frustrated and mad as hell because her 20 year old biological mom who has been out of her life for almost 18 months came and took her away from her grandparents. Her mom, at 16 gets pregnant on purpose because it was the "in" thing to do. Lauren then met a boy, married and had another child who is almost 2 that she hardly ever sees as well, AND she is pregnant AGAIN! Did she take Jaylee out of love? NO is my opinion, she took her out of spite out of "look what I can do"! That little girl is who will suffer! Her grandparents will definitely suffer as will all of us who love Jaylee, but Jaylee is the one who will suffer the most and is to young to deal with it, where the rest of us can deal with it. Being able to blog about it is my way of dealing with it. This isn't about me though, this is about Jaylee, a little sweetheart who didn't ask to be born, who didn't ask to be neglected, who didn't ask to fall in love with her "Papa" and Grandma and to feel safe there. When Jaylee talked to Grandma this morning she asked her "When am I coming back to MY HOUSE?" Because that is home to Jaylee! Where are the lawmakers when shit like this is happening?? Jaylee was abondened by her mom to go into the "Services" then after she fails to achieve that goal, "Mom" sits around in New Jersey doing nothing about getting her daughter UNTIL the state of Idaho goes after her for Jaylee's health care costs! Because she is being sued by the state of Idaho is the only reason she is coming for Jaylee, not because of the money, but because her parents forced her hand and signed Jaylee up for medical assistance, something her mother wasn't doing anything about, and because she is finally being made to take responsibility for this adorable little girl financially, out of spite she takes her. I am sure her thoughts are "There take that, you screw with me I will screw with you" when realistically she is messing up Jaylee's life!!!

SO NOW I PRAY..... Dear God, please watch over Jaylee. I asked you to stop her mom from taking her from her Grandparents, you didn't, but I feel in your infinite wisdom there is a greater plan you have in mind for Jaylee and her grandparents. Please watch over Jaylee, see that she is taken care of properly, loved, and cherished. Amen.

P.S. please say a prayer for Jaylee.

A Weekend In Paradise!

Wow, Jim and I celebrated our 10 year Wedding Anniversary yesterday, March 8th.


For the last couple of weeks Jim told me he had plans for our Anniversary weekend, but wouldn't budge on what he had up his sleeve. Believe me, I TRIED to get it out of him! I would weedle and whine (in a joking manner) trying to get it out of him, he jokingly told me he was going to muzzle me! I think the anticipation is half the fun! He did let me know we were dressing up for dinner, which excited me completely, because we are casual people, happily so. Dressing up to me meant I got to see my gorgeous husband in a suit. Jim had taken his suit in to be cleaned last week and Saturday when we went to pick it up they were CLOSED! The man that runs the cleaners told him that they didn't close until 4 p.m. on Saturdays, we got there around one and there was a sign in the window they closed at 12:00! I have to say, I was a little disappointed, but that disappointment went away quickly when I seen how it affected Jim. Jim is one of those wonderful men that when he says he is going to do something for me, he follows through so not being able to wear his suit really threw a wrench into things for him. I told him not to worry about it, don't let it ruin his day. We sat there for a few minutes and lo' and behold, he came up with a great plan! He purchased a pair of dress pants that will go well with his new suit, so he will have a spare pair, and he would be able to wear them, his dress shirt and tie for dinner! So disaster was averted! So off we went......

We get to Pocatello and stop at the local Walmart because I wanted to look for a skirt, we get done there and back on the interstate. Jim takes an exit, gets gas, drives around for a while then pulls up to the Black Swan Inn! I was totally surprised and totally excited about being there! We have gone to this Inn on our 1st, and 5th Anniversary so being able to go there on our 10th meant a GREAT deal to me!

After we checked in, we got up to our Suite, opened the door, and I have to say I was totally floored! WOW! The foyer alone impressed me! It was the Rocky Mountain Suite! I have always had this "fantasy" of being together in a cabin on a snowy night. Well, I have to say, it only snowed flurries outside, but the Suite was like being snowed in with the one person you dream about being snowed in with, the only person you would give your eye teeth to be snowed in with. Jim treated me like a total princess the whole weekend. I felt a little guilty because it is his Anniversary as well. I told him "Thank You for a perfect Anniversary Weekend" and he told me "Thank you for the last 10 years". No fantasy, nor romance novel could outdo the feelings that he gave me this weekend. I am so very blessed, a very lucky woman. Everyday I thank god for bringing Jim into my life!

Toddlers & Random Acts of Kindness!

This morning I was walking past my daycare room, Ramsey, who is 14 months old started to fuss, which is normal when he sees me, as he wants to be held. I kept walking, as I am trying to break him of this. A few seconds later I noticed he had stopped fussing. What I saw when I turned around made my heart melt, and I believe would melt the heart of the coldest person.

Owen, who is just shy of being 3, walked over to Ramsey, talked to him in that toddler to 3 year old speak that they only understand. He then leaned over and hugged Ramsey and kissed him on the head!!!! Ramsey smiled, and toddled off to play! Yep, even almost 3 year olds can give random acts of kindess!!!

Some days I can be a bit irritable when listening to bickering kids, but seeing something like this, which I do at least once a day, makes me realize, I have the best job in the world!!! How lucky I am to get to watch the wonder of children, to see how the smallest thing like a hug and a kiss can put the brightest smile on a little boys face!!!!

I am right where god wanted me to be at this very time!!!

$8.50 Potatoes

Earlier this week my husband, Jim, and I were talking on the phone, he was on a business trip in Washington, D.C. We always talk about the day, what he seen, who he met, that kind of thing. Everything about this trip impressed me. I asked him, so have you had dinner? He laughed and said "Yeah we went to this steak house that all the other guys said isn't too expensive". "I was looking at the menu and the cheapest thing on the menu was a stuffed chicken breast for $21.00!!" I was sitting here thinking, "OMG!! I can get 5 dinners worth of chicken breasts for that one chicken breast!!" Jim told me that was JUST for the chicken breast, to have mashed potatoes or hash browns you had to add another $8.50!!!! FOR POTATOES!!!!!!!!!!! Holy Moly! We laughed about it! Boy, those people in Washington, D.C., must be paid really well to have to pay that much for a meal!!

After hanging up with Jim I was thinking, I realize the people who live and work in Washington, D.C. have a higher pay scale to jibe with the cost of living there, compared to us Idahoan's. BUT HOLY MOLY! Honestly, I believe if I was bringing in $100k a year I would still be taken aback at $8.50 potatoes!!! You can get a 20lb bag of potatoes for under $8.50!! That would make us at least 8 meals! Makes me feel more confident in my already great love for IDAHO!!!!!

KIDS!!!

Being a daycare provider I see so many funny things from day to day with the kids I have. Last week I was sitting in the daycare room among all of the kids holding Lux, a new child to the daycare, it was her first day and she was a touch weepy. As I am sitting there, Jaylee, Blyth and Gracie asked me if they could "do my hair". I said sure! So they get the big lego blocks I have in there and sit them around me and go to work. It fascinated me! These little girls are so creative! They would take two blocks put some of my hair in between the blocks, and press them together, so they were "curling" my hair! Owen, my little sweetie, (not my child by birth but a child of my heart) sat watching them and looked at me and said "I do too?" I told him "Sure, hop on in here". By the time they were finished with me I had a head full of "curlers", my "Make-up" was done and was deemed "Beeutiful"! When they did my make-up they took some of the play dishes and would stir the "make-up" with more blocks then apply it with their soft little hands! It was rather relaxing!!

Kids are wonderfully amazing! A lot of CRAP could be going on in your life and you sit down with them, let their imagination take over and really your problems aren't so bad after all!!

Sometime soon I need to have a picture taken of my "curlers" and post it on here. LOL

Out Of My Depth

My best friend Kori's daughter, Hannah, is going through a lot right now. This past summer she thwarted a guy that broke into their home, then had to go through the trauma of worrying about him coming back and feeling like she was being stalked. If that wasn't enough, this past November she was molested by a person that she looked up too, someone she called "Grandpa" and loved him like one. The bastard stole her innocence. She was stronge enough to stop him from raping her, but what he did to her was horrible. I have seen this 16 year old CHILD go through so much these past few months.

At 16 Hannah should be experiencing all the wonders of getting to go out on dates. Shopping with her friends. Doing normal everyday things a 16 year old covets. She has had to forego all they wonders of being 16 for being scared, scared of the prick who molested her trying to get to her, scared of being alone, scared of having to testify against the fucker who took her "mental" innocence! I don't know about anyone else, but hell when I was 16 I worried about who was dating who, what shoes to wear with a certain outfit, about that secret crush you have on someone, but not my sweet daughter by proxy.

Tonight, my best friend told me that Hannah is failing in all her classes. At first Kori was a little angry, but very concerned as to why her grades were so bad. When they came over to pick Owen up tonight, Kori, Hannah and I had a good long talk. The school is wanting to pass Hannah off to an alternative School, Kori being a good mom is against this. Hannah was wanting to go to the school in the town they are moving too. Understandable. When I spoke with Hannah I told her that what she is going through is understandable, but moving to another school, unfortunately what she is going through will follow her until we can get a resolution.

After talking, we all decided that instead of Kori and I going to our Monday night meeting that we would have an ice cream "party", cheer Hannah up the old fashion way. LOL

Later on after I got to Kori's, her and I were standing in the kitchen and she asked Hannah if it was ok to tell me what they spoke about earlier. Making my heart swell, Hannah said of course, she wanted me to know everything. After hearing what Kori was going to tell me, my heart broke.

Kori told me that Hannah had contemplated suicide twice now, since this has all happened. Hannah has even gone so far as to plan it out. She thought she just didn't want to deal with it anymore, that she would use her Mom's Lexapro to end it all. As that is basically the only medication they keep in the house. This is where I AM OUT OF MY DEPTH! I just held her, I couldn't even cry, all I could think was MY GOD this poor child! What can we do. What do I say to her? I want to kill the fucker who did this too her, would that help her? If I could get my bare hands on the SOB would hurting him help her? My heart broke for her. She is only 16 and gone through so much in 6 short months.

We all sat down after that and Kori told her she thought it was time to get her on anti-depressants, which I feel is a good route to go, since at this moment counseling is out until the court case is resolved. She also told Hannah she was calling the DA tomorrow and telling him that Hannah is suicidal and something needs to be done.... NOW! Thank god for Kori's rational mind.

Tomorrow Hannah is going to come over her and hang out with me after her Mom goes back to work. I am so worried I will make her feel alienated if I don't talk more about it with her, then there is the, if I bring it up maybe she won't want to talk about it, so I am going to go with the treat her like normal and if she wants to talk, I will sit down and talk with her about it. I know one thing, I am going to go to bed tonight and pray for Kori, Hannah, and the rest of her family, and pray to god that he will show me the right way to help this 16 year old sweetheart.

My First Amends

Being a recovering addict, part of my recovery down the road is to make amends to people that you have hurt in the past, as long as it does no damage to that person or yourself. Well, Thursday night I had quite a strange dream. One of my friends, who I have been friends with for almost 20 years now, who I never get to see because of distance, and we send forwards to on-line and speak to off and on through emails was the star of this dream!

I can't remember a lot of the dream, but I do remember someone in it telling me I needed to make amends with Deb. I'm not a hugely religious person, I believe in my Higher Power, in my own way, I pray everyday now, but never felt I had "god experiences". This was one of those I believe. I woke up Friday morning to feeling I really needed to write to Deb and make amends with her. You know, I feel at peace about it since doing it. I feel I didn what I really needed to do. This was one of my "God Shots" I believe.

I was talking to my best friend, Kori, after our meeting last night and we talked about this quite a bit, and I told her, I know down the road I am going to have to make amends to my Ex-Husband, something I didn't think would have to happen, but I have been truly honest to and with myself about my past. Things that I didn't want to or didn't think I needed to, take responsibility for in my first marriage. It may take me a while to make this amends, but I will make it.... eventually.... I think..... NO NO NO I know..... hmmmmmmmmmmm lol